10.06.2008

Marriage Vacation?

Last weekend I took a trip up to my alma mater for an alumni weekend thing and was shocked and slightly appalled at the number of hollers I got from married men...

It was like they all took a "marriage vacation".

They came in all shapes and sizes.  I had men with 3 kids, men w/ no kids, newlyweds and long time hubbies, all lookin to get laid.  None of them got any cookie, at least not from me.  But I was just quite amazed at the entire phenomenon.

They all had strikes against them, most obvious of which would be their spouses, but there were other issues:

  • Terribly outdated game - One dude tried the old "I'm a jackass" game.  Now this used to work when I was a freshman.  Fell for that shit hard.  He started off making a ton of asshole comments to throw me off my game and make me feel a bit insecure.  Then swooped in later that evening w/ an indecent proposal which is supposed to then make me feel all confident and pick me back up, tricking me into playing myself... AAAAHHHHNT!  WRONG!!!!  I'm 27 not 17.  Try again   ...oh and that he did.  He followed up with the guilt game.  He asked to sleep in my bed and acted like he was just asking something innocent... "what?!  why can't I just sleep in your bed?!" Then when I got tired of playing that game and told him I was going to bed and he should leave, I got the "damn, you just gonna kick me out?!?"  YES SIR!  I AM!  GOODNIGHT!
  • Way Too Eager - The one guy who had a fighting chance (until I remembered that he was recently married) was of course the youngest of the bunch.  He has a decent approach.  He managed to pop up randomly throughout the weekend, say something funny and/or cute and just keep it moving.  He didn't crowd me but always reminded me he was there and dote and flirt a bit.  Then waited til the last night to show me a bit more focused attention... but he fucked up by scrambling at the end of the night.  It was like his dick was gonna turn into a pumpkin at 2am.  He started running around the room like a man trying to save a sinking ship.  He must have run around to every woman on his "list" checking in, trying to make sure he had something for the night.  Soon as I saw him running around from chick to chick it was a wrap.  I couldn't understand why he was suddenly so desperate and then I remembered I'd heard he had got married a few months back.  I'm like WTF!?!?  You would think his whole reason for showing up was to get some ass other than what he had at home.  Like damn son!  Don't give me the impression that you packed your Trojans first.  That's not sexy!
  • Take it from Daddy - So the oldest of the group tried to hit me with the "let me give you some advice (and some dick)" game.  He starts out by asking me if I'm single and then asking why and what my opinion was about the dating scene.  Here he's trying to woo me in by letting me talk (which most women love).  Then he starts to tell me about his wife.  I think this was somehow so supposed to make him seem less threatening, making me uh... "trust" him.  Then he starts to give me advice about not giving up on young men... "Oh, how endearing... NOT!"  He ends by telling me all about his wonderful wife... while trying to play footsie with me and making jokes about what turns him on... ::side eye:: back up Daddy... it's not going down.
  • I Want I've Got Your Back - The most disturbing advances came from a former mentor of sorts.  Someone who I used to think of as more of an ally than a predator.  I was happy to see that person who looked out when I was struggling college kid.  But then he hugged me a bit too tightly, seemed a little too happy to see me and then leaned in at happy hour to say that he "always had my back and I should holla at him if I ever needed anything" with extra emphasis and a side squeeze, AND bedroom eyes on that anything... NO YOU DIDN'T!?!?  Ugh!  See... now I can't ask you for ANYTHING, cause I know you want something.  What a disappointment!  And don't you have a wife and three kids!?!?!  Go home Roger!


My main issue is how just ok they felt about stepping out.  Like it was no big deal.  Men like them make it hard for women to trust their significant others, or rather, makes women feel foolish for doing so.  You don't get a new pussy pass just because you've traveled 50 or 500 miles from home!

Once again... damn.

anybody got any good news?  lol.

1 comment:

slimjackson said...

"Then waited til the last night to show me a bit more focused attention... but he fucked up by scrambling at the end of the night. It was like his dick was gonna turn into a pumpkin at 2am. He started running around the room like a man trying to save a sinking ship."

Very loud laughter. Very very loud laughter.