Good Eats

I went grocery shopping the other day and my register receipt was as follows:

Pillsbury Break N Bake Cookies - 2.99
Shiraz Cabernet - 5.64
1 Gal. Spring Water - 1.29
0.5lbs Lobster Claws - 4.45

Total: 14.37

I'm impressed w/ my own bougieness... Lol

Nothing says late 20s and single like chocolate, wine, water and LOBSTER! I had all the essentials. The water keeps me hydrated, my skin fresh and my body healthy. The chocolate chip cookies provide a little decadence. I love savoring the fullness of a bold, perfectly aged red wine, makes me feel like a grown-up. And the lobster gives that hint of luxury I was missing these last few weeks.

Or maybe what I'm looking for is a refreshing and well matured chocolaty man with a bent towards luxuriousness.

::giggle::

Janet Jack'Me?

I got a very interesting email from a former paramour yesterday. Seems he had been introduced to a porn star that reminded him of me...

Now some women might be offended by this, but with and alias like "Cherry Virtuocity", clearly I'm not of that ilk. I did however want to know who this bitch was.

I was at work and I was certain a google image search for Kandee Lixx would produce all sorts of "not safe for work" content so I looked her up on my phone and surprisingly the first image that came up was a headshot.

::pause::

Looking at Ms Lixx, I really saw no resemblance between us. She has a fairer complextion, she was thinner, and rocking a long hawaiian silky (weave for those who don't know). About the only thing I could see that we had in common were big boobs (tittaaaaaays!!! ::doing a chest giggle::)

I finally decided to call my former boo (he hates that particular term of endearment..lol) and asked what in the WORLD about this chick reminded him of me. Clearly I was missing something. Did we have similar labia? I mean I just was kinda stumped.

As I waiting for him to pick up, in my head I could here him going on about how in some particular flick he'd seen, Ms Lixx attempted to duplicated one of my signature suckles or some other feat of sexual acrobatics...

I was wrong.

He asked me if I had really taken a good look at her. I tried to download one of her flicks on my computer at home, but I couldn't find any featuring Ms Lixx on Limewire. He directed me to some random site and I was able to see the lady work. So I'm watching this clip of her doing her thing and he began commentating, talking about her ass, the curve of her waist, her hips... Slowly I realized that in his head ::pause:: this is what I looked like.

At first I was certain that this was all just a pussy ploy, and yeah I'm sure it was in part, but also, he really sees my body like this. I'm looking at this woman who in my opinion has a much better body than I do (though I think her makeup was over done, my hair is real and styled better and, in fact, my labia trump hers!) and here he is drooling over what he considers to be an okay substitute for the real thing (yes that would be me... I'm am in fact just like a bottle of Coke, curvy, classic and always a crowd pleaser).

It was an unexpected ego boost that came in a most unordinary form. I guess I shouldn't be so critical of myself. I am in fact, just as sexy as I think I am.

Marriage Vacation?

Last weekend I took a trip up to my alma mater for an alumni weekend thing and was shocked and slightly appalled at the number of hollers I got from married men...

It was like they all took a "marriage vacation".

They came in all shapes and sizes.  I had men with 3 kids, men w/ no kids, newlyweds and long time hubbies, all lookin to get laid.  None of them got any cookie, at least not from me.  But I was just quite amazed at the entire phenomenon.

They all had strikes against them, most obvious of which would be their spouses, but there were other issues:

• Terribly outdated game - One dude tried the old "I'm a jackass" game.  Now this used to work when I was a freshman.  Fell for that shit hard.  He started off making a ton of asshole comments to throw me off my game and make me feel a bit insecure.  Then swooped in later that evening w/ an indecent proposal which is supposed to then make me feel all confident and pick me back up, tricking me into playing myself... AAAAHHHHNT!  WRONG!!!!  I'm 27 not 17.  Try again   ...oh and that he did.  He followed up with the guilt game.  He asked to sleep in my bed and acted like he was just asking something innocent... "what?!  why can't I just sleep in your bed?!" Then when I got tired of playing that game and told him I was going to bed and he should leave, I got the "damn, you just gonna kick me out?!?"  YES SIR!  I AM!  GOODNIGHT!

• Way Too Eager - The one guy who had a fighting chance (until I remembered that he was recently married) was of course the youngest of the bunch.  He has a decent approach.  He managed to pop up randomly throughout the weekend, say something funny and/or cute and just keep it moving.  He didn't crowd me but always reminded me he was there and dote and flirt a bit.  Then waited til the last night to show me a bit more focused attention... but he fucked up by scrambling at the end of the night.  It was like his dick was gonna turn into a pumpkin at 2am.  He started running around the room like a man trying to save a sinking ship.  He must have run around to every woman on his "list" checking in, trying to make sure he had something for the night.  Soon as I saw him running around from chick to chick it was a wrap.  I couldn't understand why he was suddenly so desperate and then I remembered I'd heard he had got married a few months back.  I'm like WTF!?!?  You would think his whole reason for showing up was to get some ass other than what he had at home.  Like damn son!  Don't give me the impression that you packed your Trojans first.  That's not sexy!

• Take it from Daddy - So the oldest of the group tried to hit me with the "let me give you some advice (and some dick)" game.  He starts out by asking me if I'm single and then asking why and what my opinion was about the dating scene.  Here he's trying to woo me in by letting me talk (which most women love).  Then he starts to tell me about his wife.  I think this was somehow so supposed to make him seem less threatening, making me uh... "trust" him.  Then he starts to give me advice about not giving up on young men... "Oh, how endearing... NOT!"  He ends by telling me all about his wonderful wife... while trying to play footsie with me and making jokes about what turns him on... ::side eye:: back up Daddy... it's not going down.

• I Want I've Got Your Back - The most disturbing advances came from a former mentor of sorts.  Someone who I used to think of as more of an ally than a predator.  I was happy to see that person who looked out when I was struggling college kid.  But then he hugged me a bit too tightly, seemed a little too happy to see me and then leaned in at happy hour to say that he "always had my back and I should holla at him if I ever needed anything" with extra emphasis and a side squeeze, AND bedroom eyes on that anything... NO YOU DIDN'T!?!?  Ugh!  See... now I can't ask you for ANYTHING, cause I know you want something.  What a disappointment!  And don't you have a wife and three kids!?!?!  Go home Roger!
  

My main issue is how just ok they felt about stepping out.  Like it was no big deal.  Men like them make it hard for women to trust their significant others, or rather, makes women feel foolish for doing so.  You don't get a new pussy pass just because you've traveled 50 or 500 miles from home!

Once again... damn.

anybody got any good news?  lol.

Throwback...

So I've been doing a bad job keeping up with my blogging.  I need to make time in my schedule to actually post regularly, but in the meantime I decided I'd bring over some posts from an older blog I had that fell by the wayside.   And I promise starting this week (pinky swear) I will update at least weekly :)

- Cherry

10.17.06 - WHY NOT A WHORE?...

11:12pm

I dunno if you watch Nip/Tuck (it's a great show), but tonight's episode kinda threw me for one.  You know how sometimes a show can like illustrate your worst fear, or maybe show you a truth you didn't wanna know... yeah, it was one of those episodes.

So there's this kid Christian on the show.  He's the guy every man wants to be; super arrogant, crazy cocky, a paid ass plastic surgeon, completely pampered.  He's has a ridiculous apartment and is always having some out of control sexual escapade.

I've never been able to watch the show religiously, but in the last two seasons I've seen him have a number of threesomes with these ridiculously gorgeous women, the most recent of which was with a mother and daughter.  He's the biggest jack ass you've ever seen.  He slept w/ a big girl but made her wear a bag on her head... no literally I big brown paper bag...

So, he's had this off and on relationship with this chick Kimber who's an off and on porn star (I'm sure you assumed that as soon as you read the name).  They're both equally fucked up, but somehow Christian always manages to screw Kimber over.  Everytime she leaves him and kinda gets her life together, he squirms his way back in.  Last season they got engaged and he went on this whole long thing about being in love with her and how he wasn't for monogomy but could be with her, "you complete me" the whole shpeel.  Oh, and of couse... he shitted on her not too long after that.

This season Kimber has REALLY gotten it together.  Okay, so she's become a scientologist... BUT she's content with her life.

Christian on the other hand fell in love with this one chick then fucked it all up by being his jack ass self.  So what does he do next...

That's right, he runs right to Kimber's house... no literally the same damn day.  He shows up drunk off his ass and looking pitiful.  So of course she lets him in.

He says he needs her help.  He figured maybe if Scientology helped her then maybe it will work for him.  He said all the things that sounded like he was ready to make a change in his life.  He was so helpless and in need.  Then he pushed up on her, gave her the "I know you want me.  Don't you still think about me?...blah, blah, talk panties off, blah"

So Kimber gives in, they're fucking on the counter tops etc.

Cut to after.  Kimber is lounging all happy on the couch.  She walks to the bedroom and slides into the nook, looking all fulfilled and happy and says "let's just lock ourselves in and order takeout and make love all weekend", Christian says no, he has to go to work.  Kimber makes a second offer to meet up with him at her church.

Christian gets up to get dressed and says "are you fucking kidding me?  I'm not going to some wacko bullshit!"  She gets that confused look like "but you said..."

Here's the priceless part:

Christian cuts her off, "I said what I always say... whatever it takes to get laid." (jack ass smirk on face)

Kimber retorts, "How can you be so cruel!  Why come to me?!?!? Why not just fuck one of your whores!!!!?!?!?"

His response (this made me cringe), "Whores?, they just give you their body.  I needed more than that.  I needed to feel like the most important thing in the world.  So I came to you."

She then proceeded to smack the shit out of him and he kinda laughed her off and threw her on the bed and walked out...

...

Now, most dudes have NO WHERE NEAR the balls to say some shit like that and be that straight forward and blunt with someone...

HOWEVER, damned if that shit didn't ring true some where.  I actually had to change the channel cause it really disturbed me.  I had to stop and think... is that why me?

I've had so many of my female friends come to me with "why?"

Why did he lie?

Why does he play with my feelings?

Why does he always come back to me if he doesn't want to be with me?

If he had a girl, was in love with her, was not interested, was not feeling me, if I wasn't the one, if I wasn't his type, if I wasn't x, y, or z?

Is it because we loved them?  Is it because we made them feel loved and they knew we'd give it to them without knowing for sure we'd get it in return?  Are they just using us?

And though I know it's been said a million times, a million ways, seeing it like that... it was never truer.

... damn.

Where Am I?

The one thing stuck on my brain this week has been the shaky state of my love life, or rather what exactly I'm doing in singledom...

Do I like being single... yes and no.

I have friends in all stages of relationships.  Married w/ kids, just married about to have kids, just married, engaged, not engaged (and not happy about it), together w/ a side of drama, kinda together, too close for comfort, too distant and slightly separate.  I'm getting to that point in life where it feels like everyone has something going on... but me.

I'm ALWAYS single and I don't date, so I guess that doesn't help the situation much, but I've never really been one who dated.

I went out to happy hour this weekend with no expectations of meeting someone, but I thought I'd at least find someone fun to flirt with... WRONG!  Now me, my homegirl and her friend all clearly "struck out" for the night but damn, they at least had bullshit hollers.  At one point I found myself suddenly dancing alone amongst my girls and their unwanted suitors and I felt like chopped liver.  I mean, my outfit was super cute and the girls looked fantastic, but suddenly I felt like an ass.  If it wasn't for the 9 pamaritas I knocked back I might not have had the liquid courage to keep rockin to the beat.

It's like on one hand I don't want bullshit.  Every time I talk with my girls about their relationship drama I find myself saying "so glad that is NOT my life".  But on the other hand, it would be nice to see what the hell it's like to have someone to call and cooo at, to go out with, to share and giggle with, to call and say dirty things to, to wake up with in the morning.  It takes two to tango and I'm tired of chair dancing on the sidelines.

The worst part is I have no idea if I'm doing something wrong and what that something might be.  Okay, I do admit that I'm picky... or well not so much picky but it's more that I don't go for your typical guy.  I don't just like someone cause they're cute or had on a nice outfit or have a certain type of job.  I'm drawn to personality.  Once I find one I like, I'm kinda hooked.

In the past 3 years I've been in 3... let's call them "situations" -- cause they sure as hell were not relationships.  I feel like at some point in all three I was branded as "relationship girl".  At some point I either did or was accused of wanting more than the other person was looking for in life at the time or from me.  Oddly enough, within a year all three were dating someone, and are still dating that someone.  It kind of makes me go "WHAT THE FUCK!??!"

I'm not one to rush in.  I have been the stupid girl who got her feelings all invested and got all caught up in some man who was completely in capable of having a functional, let alone committed relationship.  I loved him to death and he became one of my closest friends but he hurt me more than anyone (second only to maybe myself) and though he was a JACKASS (big big big jackass) I made a ton of mistakes.  I've forgiven myself for most of them.  I was young, naive, and inexperienced.  Now that I'm older I'm more realistic about men and relationships but even then it's hard to keep picking myself up from rejection.

Last two guys I was interested in really disappointed me.  The first guy was a good friend and so I took him and I gave him the benefit of the doubt a little too much.  We rushed in.  I slept with him way before I should have, mostly because it had been forever and I let Cherry lead me astray, but I feel like that shouldn't really matter.  Either you are interested in someone or you aren't.  It's not that complicated, but he basically when I asked, is there anything going on between us that wasn't between the sheets, he said, while he wasn't looking for a relationship, he was up for hanging out more and seeing where things went.  So... yeah that never happened.  The increased time together never happened and after months of him telling me one thing and doing another, I eventually was just completely over the situation.  It was the first time I actually just completely lost interest in someone.  It was sad.  He showed up one day ready to hang out and that tingly feeling had disappeared and I would preferred a nap.  So, I walked away.

Following that I didn't happen upon anyone I was really attracted to until I ran into an old well I guess we'll go with "crush" for lack of a better word.  Well... nah that's not quite it... 

Let's go with... a guy I thought had potential.  He was cool, I definitely thought he was someone I could kick it with, but last we crossed paths bumped uglies he made a jackass out of himself.  At the time I blamed it on him being young and so I decided it had been a few years, why not try again.  We hooked up.  It was fun.  I wasn't interested in anything more, or rather after our last incident I didn't want to chance anything past a physical connection cause I was not trying to deal with any bullshit.  Things were going great until I named the puppy (Friends reference, either you got it or you didn't).  I found out that the potential ie., that he was actually a person I'd date, was really there.  So I was stuck cause I started to like him, not in terms of feelings... wasn't there yet, but I thought he was someone I wouldn't mind getting to know more (yeah it would have been great to make that determination before we started showing each other our "Oh" faces, but sometimes it doesn't happen that way).  I decided I'd give it a month to see if the "like" thing passed.  I am a woman and sometimes I do get wrapped up in the idea of someone, so I like to give myself time to process before acting on things.  So once I determined it wasn't just a passing notion, I would like to let my guard down a little, get to really know this person and see them more often... they pop up with a relationship...

...

I was gobsmacked.  Truly just gobsmacked...  My feelings weren't hurt (maybe my ego was a bit) but mostly I was just disappointed.  Here it had taken me almost a year and a 1/2 to identify someone I'd actually consider maybe dating and now... they're taken.  UGH!... BUZZKILL!

So now I'm back to where I was I guess and just kinda at a loss.  I totally didn't see that coming and now I'm just stunned.  Where the hell am I gonna meet someone I'd like?!?  And in the meantime it was like "damn, no more dick, until... ::crickets::  DAMN!"

I already know that the bar/club/lounge scene is not at all where it's at.  I was advised recently to go to a Sports Bar but I think I might be too lazy for that lol.  Today I watched the game on my couch, in a t-shirt and boy shorts, no bra (ahhhh freedom), with a bag of cheese popcorn.  It was awesome!!!  I yelled at the TV, texted my boy to see how the Giants were doing, said a prayer or two about Dallas falling apart so I could heckle some co-workers on Monday and it was great.  I didn't have to curl my hair, put on make-up, pick out clothes, hell... I didn't even have to shower.  It was a nice relaxing Sunday.  Just like I don't always feel like spending my Saturday getting ready for the club, I don't want to spend my Sunday out hunting for men. 

Why can't I just skip ahead to sittin on the couch sharing my popcorn w/ my boo/boyfriend/hunny/baby/whatever and talking shit about my team and/or cheering on our team?

I'm tired of rolling dolo but have no motivation to get out there and "find" somebody...

Also, I don't just jump into bed w/ anyone and there is no one waiting in the wings... FUCK!

Where am I and what the hell am I doing?!?!

*checkout the Single Girl's Blues playlist (hey, at least I'm not snuggled up w/ a bottle of wine and a Mary CD lol)