I Should've Had a V8...

So after 4 months, 2 weeks, and 3 days, I finally gave in...

I know, I said I'm brand loyal, and I'm definitely a Coke drinker but dammit I needed a soda!!!

So... I finally said fuck it!  Well, not quite... I didn't run out and pick up a Pepsi.  It seems so popular nowadays but it's too sweet.  I also wasn't going to run out and grab a Shasta or Safeway Select brand cola.  I can't just drink anything.  I couldn't bring myself to event consider a Rock Creek cola... it's way too hood.

Then I happened upon an RC Cola.  I remember back in the day I used to really liked RC Cola.  It felt really outdated, but I looked at it like vintage as opposed to a throw back.  I rationalized that sometimes it's good to take it back.  Maybe I should reminisce a bit... WRONG!!!

At first it seemed cool...  The idea of an RC Cola sounded tempting.  It had been quite some time since I had one and I remembered a time when I was all about RC Cola.  I knew exactly where to find it.  Then I was over it and I stopped drinking sodas alltogether for a while.  But then earlier this year I got on a Coke kick and decided that was what I liked.  Don't get me wrong, I'm a cola girl, but every cola has a different character to it.  Subtle things that make one better than the other... and Coke just seemed to have all the right features.

It might be because I had an RC and kinda expected it to be a Coke or maybe they're just not making RC like they used to, but it just didn't hit the spot.  

I drank it.  I finished it, but... I knew like two sips in that it was not what I wanted.  

I like a cola strong.  One that has a kick to it.  I like Coke cause it catches you in the chest.  Every sip makes you pause and consider it.  You can't 1/2 mindedly drink a Coke.  It commands your full attention.  It's a bold drink.  It's forceful.  It has staying power, and keeps it's fizz.  It's also quenching.  It satisfies.  It doesn't need any bells or whistles... it doesn't need a twist of lemon, or even ice for that matter... (though I'm known for putting a cherry on top mine, but that's just cause everything is better with a cherry ;)

The RC was kinda aiight... I guess.  The first sip was good, but then it kinda fell flat from there.  It wasn't how I remembered it, it just turned out to be not what I wanted to drink but it was there,  it was open, I was super thirsty, so I half-heartedly finished it and then tossed it out.

*SIGH*

If nothing else I think it kinda killed my craving for soda all together for a while.  I find myself quite disillusioned and considering cutting back again... 

Press Play...

::Cue Ms. Jackson::

Tired of being number 2
I can do what she can't do
So much betta I'm for you
So so much betta I'm for you

Why, oh WHY?!? Do men choose to date subpar women?! I'm tired of being passed over. Most of the men I've kicked it with in the the last few years have decidedly not wanted to persue anything serious with me and then within months end up dating some random ass chick. What is that about? And to add insult to injury the turn into long term entanglements, and I'm looking at the girl, and then at myself and find myself saying "are you fucking kidding me?!"

Prime example. This kid I used to be into was dating this one girl off an on for years. He has aspirations of being a lawyer or even President someday but he stayed dating this balled-up brawd and I keep thinking "how does she really fit into your future?" You can't take a chick w/ a gel weave to the office holiday party and introduce her to the firm partners as your "better half".

Forget your basic upgrade... let me revitalize your circumstances. Is your life stagnat, well instead of letting that mosquito of a girlfriend suck all the life force out of you ::pause:: let me help you help yourself. The season isn't over, let's review the tape, pull out the play book and plan our strategy. I'm allergic to mediocrity, if I catch you slippin I will help you step it up. At the same time if you're on point I will be sure to have my shit together. I always play my position. Need me to be eye candy for evening... got you. Need me to be a boss and bad bitch my way into that item the store said was unavailable... no problem.

::cue Kimmy::
Does she do it like me?
Does she work that body?
Throw that ass like pu-pump-pump-pu-pump that hottie...

Why are you calling me, texting me, emailing me, smoke signalling trying to get in my panties if you are so happy with your girlfriend, wife, boorilla, whateva? Dating someone who can't float your boat is stupid. My platinum walls are plush, my lips are lucious and my liquids are libatious. I'm the big body benz, I'm an investment, 20 years from now you'll still be jocking my sleek lines, cushy interior and dazzling headlight. However you cheaped out and bought a Hyundai... no matter how you look at it it's still a Hyundai.

::cue Fionna::
I'll let you see me, I'll covet your regard
I'll invade your demeanor
And you'll yield to me like a scent in the breeze
And you'll wonder what it is about me

Please don't confuse me with dog, I'm different... My thoughts exactly Jay. I may not be your typical type. I many not have been what you were looking for at all but admit... you still like me. Just go with! I'm not typical in any way or fashion and men seem to run away from what isn't the norm. Why is that? I don't have a problem with letting you me, flaws and all. I'll play into whatever game you like to play. I love being submissive and I'll give you all of my attention... but don't get upset when I know you like the back of my hand and can see through all your game and bullshit. That's the way it works. The mirror goes both ways. The more I let you see of me, the more of you I get to know.

Most bitches can't hold a candle to me. Fact. I have a certain je ne sais quoi and you won't ever forget me.

::cue Badu::
If you want too feel me baby
Better be divine
Bring me water for these flowers
Growing out my mind

Give me nothin' just be gentle
Breathe love in my air
Use me, don't abuse me, love me
Cause these herbs are rare

I found myself sitting on my couch this weekend, and took stock of my life. I'm 27, college educated (at one of the top 3 schools in my field no less), gainfully employed and have no kids. I'm well rounded, not hoodie but street savvy. I can throw down in the kitchen, in the bedroom, and in the boardroom. I take care of myself, I try to keep it taunt (we're working on tight), I take my vitamins, keep my hair, nails and toes, correct. I'm sweet, thoughtful and caring. I like sports, I like the arts. Though not a home owner, I will most likely inherit the building I currently occupy... so... where's the down side? Why am I still single?

I dunno why but I do know I'm not settling for bullshit. I don't kick it to just anyone. It takes someone special to catch my interest which is why I think I find it so disappointing when I find someone I think is a contender, who will really challenge me as a partner, decides to take a lower card when they could be in the title fight. I want someone who will nurture me as I nurture them. I'm special so I want someone just as special...

In closing I will quote myself from an away message I crafted in undergrad:

What other woman do you know can hold her own in any conversation from discussions on the latest hip-hop battle to Lysistrata and classical greek literature.  Can recite the first 16 bars of Nigga What Nigga Who, or the first 16 lines to Chaucer's Canterbury tales in Old English.  Loves Bvlgari jewelry, but can't live w/o amber & silver rings.  Loves indie and foreign flicks, but would be content watching Xmen on the WB saturday morning.  Who is comfortable enough to go out and buy porn and dare someone to say something, but is still wholesome enough to introduce to your moms.  Who else can cook a gourmet meal and find you the best Chardonnay you've ever had for less than $20.  A chick who doesn't talk shit, just does her thing.  In Biggie's words "heard she can suck a good dick and cook a steak up"

Primpin' Ain't Easy...

(was supposed to post this last week but got sidetracked by the election... Enjoy!)

I'm a woman who's always taken her beauty routine seriously.  My mother was a cosmetologist and stressed the importance of skin care and presentation.  I noted in college how my daily routine had upgraded since high school, and now as I approach 30 in a few years, it seems things have advanced yet again. 

In high school I used to frustrate my mother daily.  I was a get up and go girl.  I'd jump in the shower 20mins before the bus was due to arrive.  I'd brush my teeth in the shower to save time, dry off, throw on lotion and deodorant, throw on clothes and comb my hair down on the way to the bus.  Hell, some mornings I'd keep on my scarf and just put a hat on and then do my hair on the way to school.  I recall the younger girls on the bus who were very impressed at my ability to do my make-up on the bus.  Despite all the rocking and bumps in the road I was able to line my eyes w/o stabbing myself in the cornea.  By the I reached home room I was ready to go.

In college this became more of a chore...  I went to school in the frozen tundra of Central New York.  This changed the game completely...  Throwing on lotion in the morning was no longer an option.  First I had to have a shower gel that was moisturizing.  Now I always used Dove.  Just plain ole soap was a no-no in my house.  One, cause my skin is sensitive and I'd break out in to a terrible rash, and two my skin would look like cracked earth in about 30 seconds.  In college we had such hard water that Dove was not gonna cut it.  I remember going through all types of changes.  Also, men were really a factor.  In high school I could care less about the nuccas at my hood ass school, but college was different.  I really got into the scented Vikki's shower gel and the body mist sprays and all that crap.  Then I had to give myself at least 20mins to lotion up.  We were strictly a Nivea household in college and that shit is like impossible to rub in, but at least you would be ashy when your skin met the Arctic winds outside.

In college  there was also so much more preparation for going out.  Ugh... shaving... everywhere... eyebrow plucking, make-up, hair... it would take me at least 90mins to get ready to go out.  Also, being on a college budget meant doing it yourself.  So hair had to be done at home.  Eyebrows... better get a good pair of tweezers and sit reallly close to the mirror.  Make-up was usually the best of Wet N' Wild (for the men out there that's the cheapest shit they got at CVS),  with maybe one MAC lipstick thrown in the mix.  It was tough goings, but we worked it out.

Now I'm an adult... I have a job... and I'm getting older.  I wish I could find someone to shake bones over my face like Oprah does but so far I've had to put it all together myself...

Let's start from the beginning... showering.

Now as I've said, I've always been a Dove girl and now that I live in a place with normal temperatures I have been able to return to plain old Dove, but... a shower puff ain't gettin it no more.  If I want to skin to glow I have to exfoliate.  So I have special exfoliating gloves that I use daily.  If I had the money I'd get my Carol's Daughter on and have my Jamaican Punch Body Scrub on the ledge in the bathroom, but that shit is like $30 a jar and goes in about 2 weeks (if that).  We ain't ballin like that yet son... so the gloves will have to do.  They're a great solution but hard as hell to find.

Shaving... ugh.  until I get some more cash flow I'll be shaving my legs until I die I guess.  A BIC razor isn't gonna do it.  About 5 years ago God blessed us with the Venus razor.  I mean it truly changed my life.  I haven't cut myself shaving in years (knock on wood).  But they keep making upgrades and now it's kinda out of control.  I used the Venus razor with the moisture strip and the shaving gel built in.  It saves me time, but DAMN THAT SHIT IS EXPENSIVE!!!  Last time I checked razor refills are like $13 for 4.  WHAT THE FUCK!?!?  My sister and I go 1/2 on a pack.  For Christmas I might ask for that $40 multipack from Costco.  It's such a good deal but damn that seems like a lot to spend on razors.  ::sigh::

Now that I'm out the shower I must hurry and throw on some body oil.  I have about 60 seconds before my face gets dry so I must get to the sink to start my face routine, but by the time I'm done and go to put on lotion the skin on my legs will crack if I don't do something quick so I rub on some almond oil ($10) to give me a few extra minutes.

Okay so now it's time for the face.  Ugh.  So I've always struggled with acne.  I have great skin but it's sensitive as hell.  I've done the dermatologist stuff, I did proactive, Murad.  Been there, done that.  I went for a facial recently ::pause:: and the woman told me I can't use chemicals on my face.  Now she's not the first person to tell me that but I like chemicals cause they work fast.  She also told me that I have to start using an eye cream.  REALLY?!?!  But I don't have any fine lines or crows feet?!?!  Apparently to keep it that way I have to start using an eye cream now... great, more shit and more $$$  So she sold me on this whole organic line of skincare shit.  I actually really like it, but since there's no chemicals I have to use it more often.  So I have a cleanser ($25) , then an exfoliating scrub ($26) every morning, followed by this under eye roller thing ($15) to prevent dark circles and puffiness, and I top it off ::double pause:: with my Oil of Olay ($12) with SPF (my mother swore by it and so do I).  That's not that bad, but then I have to rinse and repeat in the evenings and then put on a hydrating night lotion ($32) and I have a deep cleansing mask ($30) I have to use once every two weeks.  I also should go in for a facial ($80) every two months.  Yeah, that shit adds up.  I'm hoping all of said products will last for at least 4 months.

While I'm at the sink I might as well brush my teeth now.  I have sensitive teeth as well so I must brush with warm water.  I use the Colgate all in one with the tarter control, the stuff that makes your teeth less sensitive and mouth wash and breath strips all in one bottle ($4.50).  It's great, I've been using it since undergrad, no complaints.

Okay now to the couch to lotion up.  In a perfect world I'd be putting on my Carol's Daughter Shea Butter Body Souffle ($35), or some pure Shea Butter from the health food store ($18) but in this economy I've settled for Vaseline Intensive Care Cocoa and Shea Butter Body Cream ($12) or the lotion ($9) which ever is on sale.  I've said good-bye to body mists and scented lotions cause i'm tired of every heifer on the street smelling like me.  I've moved on to Fine Fragrances.  Now once again in a perfect world I'd have my Bond No. 9 Nuits de Noho ($180) but I'll settle for Delices de Cartier ($65) in the spring/summer and Tom Ford's Black Orchid ($60...down from $120 woooohooo!!!) in the fall/winter.

Okay now I can get dressed.  We won't even get into how expensive all of the undergarments are or the clothes cause that's a whole nother blog.  But let's do a review of some of the other shit I didn't mention...

Waxing... Now I'm not a fan of a ton of hair below the belt... for me or him.  Actually I'm all about a man who parts with his pubes, but as long as it's well groomed I'm down ::pause::  As for me I prefer enough hair to feel like I'm an adult but not much more.  I don't like the landing strip or the Hitler as me and my friends refer to it.  A mid-sized triangle will do (is this TMI?!?!  Oh well...)  So I guess we'll call it a modified brazilian.  Now you can do it yourself or pay to have it done.  I've done both.  It's kind of a toss up.  If I do it I can get a kit for $12-15 but it'll take like 2-3 hours.  If I got to the spa it'll cost $40 but take 15mins or less.  So, it all depends on what the budget is, however it's a much better option than shaving.  Less bumps, less itchy and it lasts much longer.

Eyebrows... gone are the days of plucking at home.  Thank you Shiva for threading.  There is a wonderful indian woman on my way home from work who's started up a threading place in DC.  It's $12, not quite as cheap as the $8 I pay in NYC, but it's still worth it.  It's quick, easy, almost painless and much more exact than waxing which I've never been a fan of and grows back slower than a razor cut.

Hair care... ugh... I hate how much haircare costs.  Be you permed or natural, it all costs money.  I went back to a perm because it's less time consuming (though I miss my fro... maybe when I'm making a bit more $$$ I'll grow it out again).  $75+ tip for a touch-up, wrap, and curl.  That's about a monthly expense.

I'm done... I can't even get into make-up.  This shit is getting expensive.  My pockets hurt!!

Marriage Vacation?

Last weekend I took a trip up to my alma mater for an alumni weekend thing and was shocked and slightly appalled at the number of hollers I got from married men...

It was like they all took a "marriage vacation".

They came in all shapes and sizes.  I had men with 3 kids, men w/ no kids, newlyweds and long time hubbies, all lookin to get laid.  None of them got any cookie, at least not from me.  But I was just quite amazed at the entire phenomenon.

They all had strikes against them, most obvious of which would be their spouses, but there were other issues:

• Terribly outdated game - One dude tried the old "I'm a jackass" game.  Now this used to work when I was a freshman.  Fell for that shit hard.  He started off making a ton of asshole comments to throw me off my game and make me feel a bit insecure.  Then swooped in later that evening w/ an indecent proposal which is supposed to then make me feel all confident and pick me back up, tricking me into playing myself... AAAAHHHHNT!  WRONG!!!!  I'm 27 not 17.  Try again   ...oh and that he did.  He followed up with the guilt game.  He asked to sleep in my bed and acted like he was just asking something innocent... "what?!  why can't I just sleep in your bed?!" Then when I got tired of playing that game and told him I was going to bed and he should leave, I got the "damn, you just gonna kick me out?!?"  YES SIR!  I AM!  GOODNIGHT!

• Way Too Eager - The one guy who had a fighting chance (until I remembered that he was recently married) was of course the youngest of the bunch.  He has a decent approach.  He managed to pop up randomly throughout the weekend, say something funny and/or cute and just keep it moving.  He didn't crowd me but always reminded me he was there and dote and flirt a bit.  Then waited til the last night to show me a bit more focused attention... but he fucked up by scrambling at the end of the night.  It was like his dick was gonna turn into a pumpkin at 2am.  He started running around the room like a man trying to save a sinking ship.  He must have run around to every woman on his "list" checking in, trying to make sure he had something for the night.  Soon as I saw him running around from chick to chick it was a wrap.  I couldn't understand why he was suddenly so desperate and then I remembered I'd heard he had got married a few months back.  I'm like WTF!?!?  You would think his whole reason for showing up was to get some ass other than what he had at home.  Like damn son!  Don't give me the impression that you packed your Trojans first.  That's not sexy!

• Take it from Daddy - So the oldest of the group tried to hit me with the "let me give you some advice (and some dick)" game.  He starts out by asking me if I'm single and then asking why and what my opinion was about the dating scene.  Here he's trying to woo me in by letting me talk (which most women love).  Then he starts to tell me about his wife.  I think this was somehow so supposed to make him seem less threatening, making me uh... "trust" him.  Then he starts to give me advice about not giving up on young men... "Oh, how endearing... NOT!"  He ends by telling me all about his wonderful wife... while trying to play footsie with me and making jokes about what turns him on... ::side eye:: back up Daddy... it's not going down.

• I Want I've Got Your Back - The most disturbing advances came from a former mentor of sorts.  Someone who I used to think of as more of an ally than a predator.  I was happy to see that person who looked out when I was struggling college kid.  But then he hugged me a bit too tightly, seemed a little too happy to see me and then leaned in at happy hour to say that he "always had my back and I should holla at him if I ever needed anything" with extra emphasis and a side squeeze, AND bedroom eyes on that anything... NO YOU DIDN'T!?!?  Ugh!  See... now I can't ask you for ANYTHING, cause I know you want something.  What a disappointment!  And don't you have a wife and three kids!?!?!  Go home Roger!
  

My main issue is how just ok they felt about stepping out.  Like it was no big deal.  Men like them make it hard for women to trust their significant others, or rather, makes women feel foolish for doing so.  You don't get a new pussy pass just because you've traveled 50 or 500 miles from home!

Once again... damn.

anybody got any good news?  lol.

Throwback...

So I've been doing a bad job keeping up with my blogging.  I need to make time in my schedule to actually post regularly, but in the meantime I decided I'd bring over some posts from an older blog I had that fell by the wayside.   And I promise starting this week (pinky swear) I will update at least weekly :)

- Cherry

10.17.06 - WHY NOT A WHORE?...

11:12pm

I dunno if you watch Nip/Tuck (it's a great show), but tonight's episode kinda threw me for one.  You know how sometimes a show can like illustrate your worst fear, or maybe show you a truth you didn't wanna know... yeah, it was one of those episodes.

So there's this kid Christian on the show.  He's the guy every man wants to be; super arrogant, crazy cocky, a paid ass plastic surgeon, completely pampered.  He's has a ridiculous apartment and is always having some out of control sexual escapade.

I've never been able to watch the show religiously, but in the last two seasons I've seen him have a number of threesomes with these ridiculously gorgeous women, the most recent of which was with a mother and daughter.  He's the biggest jack ass you've ever seen.  He slept w/ a big girl but made her wear a bag on her head... no literally I big brown paper bag...

So, he's had this off and on relationship with this chick Kimber who's an off and on porn star (I'm sure you assumed that as soon as you read the name).  They're both equally fucked up, but somehow Christian always manages to screw Kimber over.  Everytime she leaves him and kinda gets her life together, he squirms his way back in.  Last season they got engaged and he went on this whole long thing about being in love with her and how he wasn't for monogomy but could be with her, "you complete me" the whole shpeel.  Oh, and of couse... he shitted on her not too long after that.

This season Kimber has REALLY gotten it together.  Okay, so she's become a scientologist... BUT she's content with her life.

Christian on the other hand fell in love with this one chick then fucked it all up by being his jack ass self.  So what does he do next...

That's right, he runs right to Kimber's house... no literally the same damn day.  He shows up drunk off his ass and looking pitiful.  So of course she lets him in.

He says he needs her help.  He figured maybe if Scientology helped her then maybe it will work for him.  He said all the things that sounded like he was ready to make a change in his life.  He was so helpless and in need.  Then he pushed up on her, gave her the "I know you want me.  Don't you still think about me?...blah, blah, talk panties off, blah"

So Kimber gives in, they're fucking on the counter tops etc.

Cut to after.  Kimber is lounging all happy on the couch.  She walks to the bedroom and slides into the nook, looking all fulfilled and happy and says "let's just lock ourselves in and order takeout and make love all weekend", Christian says no, he has to go to work.  Kimber makes a second offer to meet up with him at her church.

Christian gets up to get dressed and says "are you fucking kidding me?  I'm not going to some wacko bullshit!"  She gets that confused look like "but you said..."

Here's the priceless part:

Christian cuts her off, "I said what I always say... whatever it takes to get laid." (jack ass smirk on face)

Kimber retorts, "How can you be so cruel!  Why come to me?!?!? Why not just fuck one of your whores!!!!?!?!?"

His response (this made me cringe), "Whores?, they just give you their body.  I needed more than that.  I needed to feel like the most important thing in the world.  So I came to you."

She then proceeded to smack the shit out of him and he kinda laughed her off and threw her on the bed and walked out...

...

Now, most dudes have NO WHERE NEAR the balls to say some shit like that and be that straight forward and blunt with someone...

HOWEVER, damned if that shit didn't ring true some where.  I actually had to change the channel cause it really disturbed me.  I had to stop and think... is that why me?

I've had so many of my female friends come to me with "why?"

Why did he lie?

Why does he play with my feelings?

Why does he always come back to me if he doesn't want to be with me?

If he had a girl, was in love with her, was not interested, was not feeling me, if I wasn't the one, if I wasn't his type, if I wasn't x, y, or z?

Is it because we loved them?  Is it because we made them feel loved and they knew we'd give it to them without knowing for sure we'd get it in return?  Are they just using us?

And though I know it's been said a million times, a million ways, seeing it like that... it was never truer.

... damn.

Where Am I?

The one thing stuck on my brain this week has been the shaky state of my love life, or rather what exactly I'm doing in singledom...

Do I like being single... yes and no.

I have friends in all stages of relationships.  Married w/ kids, just married about to have kids, just married, engaged, not engaged (and not happy about it), together w/ a side of drama, kinda together, too close for comfort, too distant and slightly separate.  I'm getting to that point in life where it feels like everyone has something going on... but me.

I'm ALWAYS single and I don't date, so I guess that doesn't help the situation much, but I've never really been one who dated.

I went out to happy hour this weekend with no expectations of meeting someone, but I thought I'd at least find someone fun to flirt with... WRONG!  Now me, my homegirl and her friend all clearly "struck out" for the night but damn, they at least had bullshit hollers.  At one point I found myself suddenly dancing alone amongst my girls and their unwanted suitors and I felt like chopped liver.  I mean, my outfit was super cute and the girls looked fantastic, but suddenly I felt like an ass.  If it wasn't for the 9 pamaritas I knocked back I might not have had the liquid courage to keep rockin to the beat.

It's like on one hand I don't want bullshit.  Every time I talk with my girls about their relationship drama I find myself saying "so glad that is NOT my life".  But on the other hand, it would be nice to see what the hell it's like to have someone to call and cooo at, to go out with, to share and giggle with, to call and say dirty things to, to wake up with in the morning.  It takes two to tango and I'm tired of chair dancing on the sidelines.

The worst part is I have no idea if I'm doing something wrong and what that something might be.  Okay, I do admit that I'm picky... or well not so much picky but it's more that I don't go for your typical guy.  I don't just like someone cause they're cute or had on a nice outfit or have a certain type of job.  I'm drawn to personality.  Once I find one I like, I'm kinda hooked.

In the past 3 years I've been in 3... let's call them "situations" -- cause they sure as hell were not relationships.  I feel like at some point in all three I was branded as "relationship girl".  At some point I either did or was accused of wanting more than the other person was looking for in life at the time or from me.  Oddly enough, within a year all three were dating someone, and are still dating that someone.  It kind of makes me go "WHAT THE FUCK!??!"

I'm not one to rush in.  I have been the stupid girl who got her feelings all invested and got all caught up in some man who was completely in capable of having a functional, let alone committed relationship.  I loved him to death and he became one of my closest friends but he hurt me more than anyone (second only to maybe myself) and though he was a JACKASS (big big big jackass) I made a ton of mistakes.  I've forgiven myself for most of them.  I was young, naive, and inexperienced.  Now that I'm older I'm more realistic about men and relationships but even then it's hard to keep picking myself up from rejection.

Last two guys I was interested in really disappointed me.  The first guy was a good friend and so I took him and I gave him the benefit of the doubt a little too much.  We rushed in.  I slept with him way before I should have, mostly because it had been forever and I let Cherry lead me astray, but I feel like that shouldn't really matter.  Either you are interested in someone or you aren't.  It's not that complicated, but he basically when I asked, is there anything going on between us that wasn't between the sheets, he said, while he wasn't looking for a relationship, he was up for hanging out more and seeing where things went.  So... yeah that never happened.  The increased time together never happened and after months of him telling me one thing and doing another, I eventually was just completely over the situation.  It was the first time I actually just completely lost interest in someone.  It was sad.  He showed up one day ready to hang out and that tingly feeling had disappeared and I would preferred a nap.  So, I walked away.

Following that I didn't happen upon anyone I was really attracted to until I ran into an old well I guess we'll go with "crush" for lack of a better word.  Well... nah that's not quite it... 

Let's go with... a guy I thought had potential.  He was cool, I definitely thought he was someone I could kick it with, but last we crossed paths bumped uglies he made a jackass out of himself.  At the time I blamed it on him being young and so I decided it had been a few years, why not try again.  We hooked up.  It was fun.  I wasn't interested in anything more, or rather after our last incident I didn't want to chance anything past a physical connection cause I was not trying to deal with any bullshit.  Things were going great until I named the puppy (Friends reference, either you got it or you didn't).  I found out that the potential ie., that he was actually a person I'd date, was really there.  So I was stuck cause I started to like him, not in terms of feelings... wasn't there yet, but I thought he was someone I wouldn't mind getting to know more (yeah it would have been great to make that determination before we started showing each other our "Oh" faces, but sometimes it doesn't happen that way).  I decided I'd give it a month to see if the "like" thing passed.  I am a woman and sometimes I do get wrapped up in the idea of someone, so I like to give myself time to process before acting on things.  So once I determined it wasn't just a passing notion, I would like to let my guard down a little, get to really know this person and see them more often... they pop up with a relationship...

...

I was gobsmacked.  Truly just gobsmacked...  My feelings weren't hurt (maybe my ego was a bit) but mostly I was just disappointed.  Here it had taken me almost a year and a 1/2 to identify someone I'd actually consider maybe dating and now... they're taken.  UGH!... BUZZKILL!

So now I'm back to where I was I guess and just kinda at a loss.  I totally didn't see that coming and now I'm just stunned.  Where the hell am I gonna meet someone I'd like?!?  And in the meantime it was like "damn, no more dick, until... ::crickets::  DAMN!"

I already know that the bar/club/lounge scene is not at all where it's at.  I was advised recently to go to a Sports Bar but I think I might be too lazy for that lol.  Today I watched the game on my couch, in a t-shirt and boy shorts, no bra (ahhhh freedom), with a bag of cheese popcorn.  It was awesome!!!  I yelled at the TV, texted my boy to see how the Giants were doing, said a prayer or two about Dallas falling apart so I could heckle some co-workers on Monday and it was great.  I didn't have to curl my hair, put on make-up, pick out clothes, hell... I didn't even have to shower.  It was a nice relaxing Sunday.  Just like I don't always feel like spending my Saturday getting ready for the club, I don't want to spend my Sunday out hunting for men. 

Why can't I just skip ahead to sittin on the couch sharing my popcorn w/ my boo/boyfriend/hunny/baby/whatever and talking shit about my team and/or cheering on our team?

I'm tired of rolling dolo but have no motivation to get out there and "find" somebody...

Also, I don't just jump into bed w/ anyone and there is no one waiting in the wings... FUCK!

Where am I and what the hell am I doing?!?!

*checkout the Single Girl's Blues playlist (hey, at least I'm not snuggled up w/ a bottle of wine and a Mary CD lol)